Yulmallen AU Drabbles
by ElReyCiervo
Summary: A series of drabbles where Alma lives, and Kanda, Alma, and Allen are in a happy poly relationship. Cue fluff with a smidge of angst. #let these three be happy thank you #nonbinary alma #autistic kanda
1. Nice Things

Disclaimer: I do not own D . Gray-Man

* * *

Drabble # 1: Nice Things

Kanda never thought he could have nice things, never thought he deserved happiness. Ever since he climbed out of the pit where he was made, the world was never delicate with him, never forgiving. There had been one exception in the form of a cheerful, warm child that had been brought into the same cruel life as he had. Alma had been the first thing his confused mind and foggy vision had latched on to: bright, glittering eyes and equally blinding smile. It was their warm, small hand that had pulled him from the water. That person had been the only true balm in the harsh, disgustingly painful ordeals that they had been forced to endure together. It was Alma's smiles, Alma's kindness, Alma's hands on his shoulders, and Alma's embraces that had given Kanda hope that perhaps he _could_ be somewhat happy, could maybe have something nice.

And then it was the same cruel, awful experiences that they went through that literally forced them apart. Even now, he could not remember what hurt more: suffering through those awful experiments, having Alma die in front of him, or having to kill his precious person was his own two hands.

Years later, a white-haired and scarred boy that reminded him _too much_ of Alma crashed into his life. Just like the first person who pulled him into the world, this boy had been too kind, too naive, and it was then that he had known that Allen Walker was going to suffer just like Alma...and just like him. They fought, they bickered, and they argued like it was going out of style; however, they also covered one another's back without question, defended the other from the damn tribulations the universe threw at them, and also, after experiencing the other's demons, held one another up when they were so close to falling apart by the seams. As hard as he tried, Kanda could not help but lull into a false sense of security. Yet again, he had a sliver of hope that perhaps he could be somewhat happy with this cursed, odd boy who brought out the best in him yet pissed him off to no end. It might not have been Alma's sweet, warm compassion, but Allen's own brand of blindingly hot, patiently cool kindness that made Kanda want him.

He knew he should not have _wanted_ anything, should not have desired good or nice things, because it was not long after that his world came crashing around his ears. His first precious person had been brought back to suffer yet another time (even worse than the first, he firmly believed), and his second precious person had been forced to undergo his own maddening hell. Every good thing that Kanda ever touched had been brought to ruin: he had stabbed that contradiction of a boy with his own sword, causing his inner demon to lurch forth and truly begin to _consume_ his mind one memory and thought at a time; and it was his own rage and pain that caused him to fight that wonderful, bright person, eventually leading to him holding that person in his arms as they crumbled apart. Dust to dust, ashes to ashes.

Kanda knew he could never have nice things.

But...

"Hey, Yuu, come over here!" Alma waved from their spot, sitting in grass. There was a crown of flowers in their hand, white petals contrasting against their tan skin. They wiggled the flower crown in Kanda's direction as they said, "It's time you learned how to make one of these!"

" _Ack_ , you're getting pollen in my face, love." Allen tilted his head in Alma's lap in order not to get pollen in his eyes and to better face the long-haired man. "Yeah, Bakanda, these flowers aren't going to weave themselves. Lucky for you, Alma and I were nice enough to make one for you." A pause, then, "Well, Alma was. I voted to just let you suffer without one."

Alma placed a big, golden sunflower on Allen's grinning lips to get him to stop talking. "Be nice, Al," they giggled.

...But as he watched his two precious people interact with each other, free from pain and free from worry—if only for this short period of time—Kanda once again had hope. Sitting down next to these two, he allowed himself to soak in the tranquility. All of them had been hurt in numerous ways by the cruelty of the world, the cruelty of others. Even after all that pain, mercury and chestnut eyes looked at him with such a loving, dear look that it made his breath stutter for just a moment. In all his memory, the fragmented few from his past life and the clear ones he had from this one, he had never been this at peace. With a light crown of daffodils and daisies gently resting in his hair, he could not help but let a small smile crease his lips and a breathy laugh trickle from his chest. He did not have the best luck with hoping—hoping for anything good in particular—but he felt good about this. He wouldn't let anything tear this wonderful, beautiful moment away from him, wouldn't let these _breathtaking people_ be wrenched away from him...

He would be damned if he let anyone ruin this nice thing that they had, that he had.

* * *

Published: 8/7/16

A/N: Alma is nonbinary here and uses they/them pronouns.

A/N 2: I've also posted this on my AO3 page account and my tumblr (badlydrawnyullen). I needed these peeps to be happy. The Yulmallen AU originally started as a thing I drew for my badlydrawn blog, but I liked it so much that I started a lil fic series for it. Hope you guys liked it!


	2. Sleep and Murder

Disclaimer: I do not own D . Gray-Man

Warning: Language and some violence

Also, thank you to Baka-Bird for giving me a lovely shoutout in one of their fics! Go check out their _Intentions_ fic and their _Ethereal_ fic, they are so good!

* * *

Drabble #2: Sleep and Murder

There was an incessant knocking at the door of Allen's room, and all the occupants knew it would not stop until one of them answered it. Allen sighed in irritation into his pillow before lifting his head and nudging Alma. "It's your turn to get up."

"I got up last tiiiime!" Alma complained as he clutched Allen closer to their chest. Their chestnut hair tickled his cheek. Being so close to them, Allen could feel when they poked Kanda with their foot. "Yuu, I'm pretty sure it's your turn."

"Fucking hell, it's one in the morning. I am _not_ getting up—not even for the Usagi." Even in the near darkness, the white-haired man could tell Kanda's eye was twitching. Allen could not blame Kanda, to be honest. They had all just gotten back from long missions a few hours ago and wanted to catch up on sleep, but Lavi seemed dead set on bothering them.

"Guuuuuys," came the whiny voice behind the door, "I know it's late, but I _really, really_ need my notebooks. I have work to finish by the morning, and Panda's gonna kill me if it doesn't get done!" As sharp as his memory was, Lavi had a bad habit of leaving his things all over the place. Allen knew what it was like to be hounded by someone all the time—as good of a person Link was, he did not quite know the meaning of break times—so, before he, Kanda, and Alma had left for their missions, he had offered Lavi his room in order to escape Bookman. But for everything that was good and holy, Lavi needed to leave them the hell _alone_. This would be a lesson to him to keep better track of his things. _Serves him right—Bookman will take care of him in the morning._

They all groaned when they heard another desperate, "Pleeeeeaaase?"

"If we don't fucking answer him, he'll go away."

Alma grit their teeth as they shifted, moving Allen in the process, in order to glare at Kanda. "Don't lie, Yuu," their response was almost a hiss. "He's as stubborn as the both of you." Allen could hear the _pure_ vexation in their voice. While Alma was normally bubbly and warm and cheerful, they coveted any sleep they could get like a precious resource. It didn't help that all of their missions had completely wiped out all three of them—they had all looked like zombies by the time they had flopped down on Allen's bed. Alma was the worst off between the three of them, having fought off a Noah without backup. _Which was stupid, stupid, stupid. They should have called us._

His inner voice, which sounded a lot like his two partners talking at the same time, called him out as blatant hypocrite.

Allen was pretty sure that Lavi's annoying pleas could constitute as desperate begging at this point. "I know I'm being a bother, but you gotta help a guy out! C'mon, I have really important stuff in those notebooks that have to get _doooooone_. You don't want your good ol' buddy Lavi to be clawed to death by Panda, would you?"

"I'd pay for a front row seat." Kanda raised his voice loud enough for Lavi to hear.

A pause, then even more knocking rapped against the door. "That's cruel, Yuu! I had a feeling you would say that, but I'm sure that the _wonderful_ and _spectacular_ and _awesome_ Allen and Alma would be oooooh so kind and generous as to help out a friend like me." The rapping changed pattern to emphasize the frantic pitch of his voice.

A snort. _What a kiss-ass_.

As Lavi become even more and more incessant, Allen could feel himself grow more and more irritable. His left hand clutched his pillow tighter as if that could distract him from the annoying rabbit at the door. He heard more than felt the delicate fabric of the cotton pillowcase shred, but he could not bring himself to care at the moment. Another annoying plea, this time even louder than before (he thanked the God he hated that his room was a ways away from anyone else's), came floating into the room. Part of him—a very large part of him—genuinely contemplated long, drawn-out murder at this point. Bugger the thought of what Central would do if they found out if they murdered an exorcist, and a _Bookman's apprentice_ at that. _It would be worth it_ , he thought as he glowered at the door. _I would get some quality sleep, and Alma would stop gritting their teeth and clenching their fists around me. Hell, I bet even Kanda would get a decent eight hours for a change._ "I'm seriously putting homicide on the table right now," he drawled.

The kisses against his cheek meant full approval from the other two.

"Yuuuuuu~!" Kanda was set on not answering again as he turned, pulled the blanket over his head, and buried his face further into his pillow. A muffled sentence rose from the linen mound that could be roughly translated to 'Fuck him, I've slept through worse.'

"Alleeeeeen~!"

He heard a highly irritated growl rumble through Alma's chest, so he placed a hand on the others cheek to try and placate them. "I'm so freaking tired, Al," they scowled as they nosed his white hair, trying to calm theirself. "I want him to go away, but I want to teach him a lesson, too." Allen completely understood what Alma meant, but while he could run on a few hours of sleep (insomnia was such a lovely and delightful gift), he was worried how Alma would fare come morning time—especially considering being drained from their mission.

"Almaaaaaa~!"

Allen felt Alma give a full body twitch when they heard their voice. As Lavi continued to chant Alma's name, Allen began to worry for his ribs as the grip around him was getting tighter and tighter. He's had much worse, but he would like to keep his bones intact for a change. "Hey, just ignore him, love," he whispered, "He'll turn blue in the face after a while, and then have to face Bookman's wrath in a few hours. Just think about that, huh? I'm sure you'll laugh at breakfast when you see all those slash marks on his face."

His partner seemed to mull this over for a moment. "I guess, but—"

" _Alma, Alma, Alma, Almaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"_

The scowl on Allen's face mirrored the fiercer one on Alma's. "Bloody hell, he's persistent."

The breath of air that flowed past Alma's lips sounded less of an irritated sigh and more like the furious start-up of one of those new motor vehicles. "Okay, Al. You're right, I'll at least have something to look forward to at—"

" _Aaaalmaaaaa!_ Alma, Alma, dearest Almaaaa! Almaaaaaa, _my frieeeeeeeeeend_! Alma, Alma Alma, Al—"

"THAT'S FUCKING IT!" Alma roared as they shot up and shoved Allen away from them, then wrenched away the blanket. "I'M SO **DONE**!" They leapt off the bed and charged for the door in a more coordinated move that should have been done this early in the morning. It took Allen longer than it should have to process that Alma wasn't going to just give Lavi his book an come back to bed, but instead _flay him alive with the sharp blade that his arm became—_ _ **Oh fuck, he was really going to murder Lavi!**_

Kanda must have realized it at the same time as he had because the other man sprang up, exchanging an equally _oh-shit-this-is-bad_ look with one another. "Fuck, he's _actually_ going to kill Lavi!"

They detangled themselves from the blanket in order to try and stop their partner. Shit, _**this**_ was why people were wise enough to not bother Alma liked they bothered Kanda. As sweet and caring as Alma was, they could be _deadly_ when pushed far enough, vicious to the point where only Kanda or Allen could reign them in (A finder was found mauled black, blue, and bloody in the back of the Order's garden after he had publically insulted Allen and Kanda. Everyone knew who it had been without needing to say). Unfortunately for Lavi, his specialty was knowing just how to annoy people the perfect way.

The door was flung open as Alma shot their arm down like a spear, only missing Lavi by inches because he had heard their shout beforehand. The red-head let out a high-pitched shriek as he turned tail and ran down the hall. "Don't kill me! I just need my noteboooooks!"

"You're _gonna be mincemeat when I'm through with you, Lavi_!" Alma charged right after him, thick chestnut hair all over the place and bladed arm slashing madly through the air.

Jesus Christ, Alma was fast. Kanda was out of the room before Allen, raven hair whipping behind him and a frantic note in his voice, "Fucking hell, Alma, he's not worth it!"

They turned a corner just in time to hear an awfully pained shriek and a spray of scarlet in the air. "Alma, I wasn't serious about the homicide!" Allen yelled, going to restrain Alma before they could do more damage.

Sleep eluded all of them for the next four hours.

* * *

Lavi was off the mission roster for the next week and a half in order to let the gash in his side heal properly. Alma was happier than they had been in a long while, and Allen and Kanda made sure that Alma got enough sleep every night.

While each of them had to take on an extra mission each in order to pull Lavi's slack, Allen had to admit that the quiet every night was quite enjoyable.

Plus, it had been a little funny to see Lavi near pass out from fright.

* * *

Published: 8/19/17

A/N: When it comes to sleep, Alma has a short fuse.

A/N 2: I wanna thank everyone who reviewed last chapter: kittyluv2000, Shadow Spears, Guest, Baka-Bird, and NerdyBlogs! Thanks to everyone who faved and followed this as well! :D

A/N 3: This will also be posted on my AO3 page and my badlydrawnyullen tumblr blog


	3. Floating Time

Disclaimer: I do not own D . Gray-Man

Warnings: dissociation, mental instability.

This turned out much longer than I thought it would be...Anyway, enjoy the chapter!

* * *

Drabble #3 Floating Time

For a supposed "Destroyer of Time", Allen found that there were too many occasions where he would lose a marginal chunk of time that he could not recall. Ranging from a small number of seconds eaten away by a fleeting daydream to hours ravenously devoured by memories that were his, yet not his. There were too many occasions where he floated in the dark and soft— _thick, suffocating, smothering_ —morass of his mind, drifting between his own current time and the times of…the others. Oddly enough, it was because of these stolen moments that made him even more thankful for when he was in his own time, still had his sound mind. _Thankful,_ he scoffed to himself, _more like desperate. Desperate like a beggar pleading for his one scrap of food to survive the day_.

He had a migraine flaring the pain receptors in his brain like the roaring flames of Lavi's Fire Stamp ever since he had woken up. The blazing ache had awoken him hours before Alma and Kanda—the three of them had decided to share a bed once again that night, this time in Kanda's room _(whose room was this again?)_ —which had given him some time to peel away from his lovers, strip the pillowcase away from his pillow, and chuck the nosebleed-soiled fabric in the trash. He had cleaned his nose and returned to bed, knowing very well that he would not be able to go back to sleep.

Returning to bed, he was pulled closer to the warm bodies, and he breathed in the familiar _(but why are they strange ta me?)_ scents of green tea and cinnamon _(where 'ave I eva' smelled these things befo'?)_. He tried his best to ignore the headache that was pounding against his skull as he buried his face deeper into his pillow and closed his eyes. Although he was clutching his pillow tighter and tighter as a way to distract himself from his migraine, the feeling of the soft cotton fabric seemed to be lost against his fingertips. _(I don't rememba' sleepin' on anythin' this nice…)_ A familiar feeling engulfed his mind; however, it was not the gentle lull of oncoming sleep's caress, but instead something more suffocating and startling.

It was familiar but unwelcomed.

His eyes shot open as darkness began to encroach and swallow the corners of his vision. _No, no, no, no! I can't be having another episode! The other two are gonna wake up!_ The tightening of his chest could have been due to panic, but it also could have been the fact that he was forgetting to breath properly. _I can't make any noise else Cosimo 'll come in 'ere 'n throttle me!_ Before the inky haze enveloped his vision, his last thought was, _Tha' damn bastard betta not touch Mana—_

Time was such an odd concept when one's time was never always their own.

—The darkness that clouded his vision diluted into clarity like ink lightened by water. He felt as if he was floating like a piece of driftwood lost at sea. The sharp ringing that sounded in his ears soon began to fade away, and he was able to hear two people's voices. _Why do they soun' so worried?_

"Allen! Allen, please, come back to us!"

"You're safe Moyashi! It's alright."

 _Who the bloody hell is 'Allen'?_

He had to blink his eyes several times before his vision stopped doubling. He looked around his surroundings, taking in the toppled end table, the ripped sheets, the shattered mirror, and the papers strewn all over the place. _How di' this 'appen…?_ Somehow he had gone from lying in bed to standing in this mess of a room, and God why was he hurting so much? A throbbing ache that radiated from the knuckles of his right hand made him look down, only to see dark red blood dripping down the pale skin of his fingers. A slight draft in the room ghosted over the wetness, making him more accurately aware of his dripping right hand and the bleeding of his nose. … _Why am I bleedin' so much?_ He slowly maneuvered his gaze from his right hand to his black left, confused as to why his left hand was equipped with what looked to be a deadly set of talons.

He did not know whose blood stained those sharp talons…

 _Wha' is goin' on…? Where am I?_

With more energy and effort that it should have, he turned his head to look at the two other people in the room. The taller one with the long raven hair was standing in an abrupt stance, a long sword _(that's Mugen; Mugen is one of the most important things in his life other than us.)_ in hand pointed at him. Cobalt eyes stayed trained on him, pinched with worry and…was that a little bit a fear that he saw gleam in those eyes? _Why are ya scared? Are ya scared o' me?_ The other person with the fluffy chestnut hair had that same worry and slight fear radiating from them, except this person wore it visibly on their face. Tears glistened in their warm, deep brown eyes, looking as if they were torn between two hard decisions. Their arm, which was transformed into something akin to a blade _(they didn't want that Innocence, but they had to make do with it. Forced to bond with it in that awful lab.)_ was also trained on him.

For some reason unbeknownst to him, he hated those expressions on these two people's faces. Did he know them? If so, was that the reason why his heart clenched every time he looked at their pained faces?

He took a careful breath, trying to orient himself. "Who..are ya'? Where 'm I?" Were his hands always shaking, or did they just start now?

The two people in front of him exchanged a look, then turned back at him. While their weapons were still pointed at him, they looked more on guard then ready to attack? _Did I 'urt you?_ "We're Alma Karma and Yuu Kanda," the person with the chestnut hair announced, slowly lowering their transformed arm and taking a step forward. "Before we answer your last question, I have to know…What is the last thing you remember?

What _was_ the last thing he remembered? "I…I 'memba' sleeping on a soft bed—no, no! Scratchy bed, with Mana?" He shook his head, clutching his tangled hair, not caring about the dizziness that came with the movement. " _No!_ No, that's not right either. Two people? Yea', I was sleepin' next to two people…Cinnamon an' green tea…"

The raven haired person sheathed the sword and walked closer to him. Hands were placed on his shoulders as desperate cobalt met confused and tired mercury. "That was us, me and Alma. You sleep with us." The person lowered their hands to tear a strip of cloth from the bottom of their shirt and use it to dab at the blood that was still leaking from his nose. He was pulled into an embrace, and he felt the second person wrap their arms around him from behind.

"You're in the Black Order, with us, in Kanda's room. It's early Sunday morning, but that sun hasn't risen yet," he heard as he felt mumbling against his shoulder. "You're with us; you're safe. You're okay."

Memories flitted in rapid succession through his mind— _"My name is Allen Walker, and I am apprenticed to General Cross Marian," he said as he introduced himself to the people of the Order."—He was doubled over, laughing at Lavi and his ridiculous attempts of vampire-be-gone. "I'm not the one who's gonna be bit when we find this guy!"—He yelled in both physical pain and the pain of betrayal as Crown Clown's blade_ _ **burned**_ _through his very being, lighting his nerves on fire right down to his core.—"Thank you, Allen Walker." He needed them to be safe, needed them to stay away from the manipulating hands of both the Order and the Earl. "Arda!"— He trusted Alma and Kanda to take him down if he ever hurt anyone again…He couldn't let his slip that hurt Johnny happen to anyone else. He had to stay strong, keep fighting and resisting from being consumed in Neah's memories. —"We love you, the both of us. Don't forget that." —"I'm Allen Walker, and I'm never going to stop walking."_

He sucked in a gasping breath as the memories crashed over him like a tsunami, drowning and overwhelming him. Crown Clown deactivated. He shook, and he would have fallen to his knees of not for his two lovers easing all of them to the ground. "I'm sorry, _I'm sorry, I'm sorry_ ," he breathed out as he desperately grasped at the two of them. His eyes were stinging. Words spilled from his mouth nonstop, gushing like a raging river, "I forgot you two—I didn't remember—I must have wrecked the room—Did I hurt you?—I'm sorry, I probably did, I didn't mean—"

Alma was quick to shush him, swiping their thumbs under his eyes to brush away the tears. "Hey, hey, there's nothing to be sorry about, Al," they smiled as they shifted their hands to cradle his clammy face. "It's not your fault that you lose yourself sometimes. Not your fault at all."

He sniffled, but then grimaced as he got a clotty and sticky mouthful of blood. He nodded his head to show Alma he was indeed listening and hadn't drifted again, but internally he was disagreeing. He was responsible for his own actions, so of course it had to be his fault. _I'm unstable and dangerous...I wish they would understand this. I couldn't bear the thought if something happened to them because of me._

A touch to his forehead made him flinch and focus back on the present. Kanda pressed his forehead against his, drawing his gaze to his own. "I can hear you thinking, Moyashi, and I know it's nothing good." He pressed a tender kiss to his lips, and Allen could practically breathe in the compassion, love, and worry. "Stop being an idiot." Kanda may not have been a man of many words, but his actions spoke for him.

"'M not an idiot, Bakanda," he murmured, leaning more and more against his lovers. Christ, he hated the aftermath of his episodes: they always left him so drained.

Alma laughed, the rumble of it reverberating through their chest into Allen. "As crass as Yuu is, he has a point, Allen. The items in the room are just material things that can be replaced. And you couldn't hurt us! One little scratch won't do anything to us, so don't worry."

Perhaps it was the lack of energy and partial lack of focus, but he couldn't bring himself to object as he wanted. Instead, he focused on grounding himself to the present, the now, to _his_ own time. This moment, sitting here on the floor of the trashed room with Kanda and Alma, was his time— _not_ the others', _his_. The elevated temperatures of his lovers began to melt away the clammy chill that claimed his body, and he clung to their hands with his own. Breathing in cinnamon and green tea, he nuzzled his face into Kanda's neck as he was lifted off the ground. Soon the feeling off frayed sheets replaced that of skin and night clothes, and he could feel himself drifting off. "Love you two," he said through sleep-heavy lips.

"We love you too, Allen."

"Don't you ever think differently, Moyashi."

Alma's arm draped over his and Kanda's waists, and Kanda rested his arm over his shoulders and Alma's arm. With Alma to his right and Kanda to his left, he was sandwiched in the middle. However, he couldn't bring himself to care. This was his time. This was his.

Cinnamon and green tea.

* * *

Published: 9/9/16

A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter! : Baka-Bird, NerdyBlogs, Sikarma, Shadow Spears, Ghostunderasheet, inuyashamunkey, and Guest.

A/N 2: I headcanon that Allen dissociates from time to time due to all the different memory sets he has crammed inn that head of his. Check out my tumblrs (badlydrawnyullen . tumblr . com) and (ms-musicl0vertheexorcist . tumblr . com) if you want more DGM stuff. :D


	4. IED in the Room

**Disclaimer** : I do not own D . Gray-Man

 **Warning** : Language; behavioral disorder.

*cringes* I rewrote this chapter like twice, but here it finally is.

Also, if you noticed that my author name has changed, it has! Formerly MsMusicLover, now ElCiervoRey

* * *

Drabble #4: IED in the Room

As ugly as it was, hate was a very consuming and powerful emotion.

Potent, destructive.

…And damningly crippling as well.

It was most often thought that it was Yuu that had the most issues with his aggression and anger, what with his threats to slice people open or stab them. However; believe it or not, it was actually Alma that struggled the most. They tried their best to keep it in check, but they were not a perfect person.

Ever since they had awakened, trapped in those tight and coiling cables and pipes, it was hatred that pumped their blood and anger that colored their incredibly pale (at the time) skin. Regaining all their memories from their fuzzy mind had made all the hurt and anger surge to the forefront of their mind anew. God, they hated thinking about that terrible time in the North American branch and the aftermath in Mater. Their all-encompassing fury and deep-seeded grudge made them almost _kill_ Yuu and caused Allen so, _so_ much harm. _There isn't a day that I don't blame myself for causing Allen's early awakening._

They did not think much of their anger when they were a child—it felt like it was just yesterday that they were standing around the steaming pools of the other apostles, reading stories to them as Yuu sat next to them—but it tended to be explosive and destructive when it came. Tossed tables, heavy punches, and broken limbs were all too common. Leading up to these episodes was the all too familiar feeling of burning heat swelling in their belly as if they wanted to breathe fire, the sharp ringing in their ears as frustration drowned out any noise, and a dark tunnel shaping their vision as reason and restraint crumpled away like paper turning to ash in a roaring inferno.

It was all-consuming, swallowing them up like a ravenous monster.

...Perhaps it was fitting—they felt like a monster more often than not.

All of these episodes often spurned from something as minute and simple as an off-hand comment, but other times Alma just couldn't control their hate and their grudge towards all those that wronged them and their lovers. All the negative, scalding, _burning_ emotions built and built until it exploded outward like a bomb (1). They tried their best to control their episodes: tried to stay calm, tried meditating more and more with Yuu to get a better grip on their mental state, tried reading enjoyable books with Allen to take their mind off the negative, but…damn _it was_ _ **so hard**_.

Like now, for example.

They had gotten back from a long, tiring mission from Spain, grumpy from the blazing heat of the country, just in time to see a group of finders and scientists they did not recognize clustering in a circle in the dining hall. They had been confused since it was mostly exorcists that caused this kind of hub-bub (not the scientists or finders), and was shocked as they got closer and heard the group slandering and insulting whomever was in the center of the circle. _What the hell? Why are they so rude?_ Wanting to know what was going on, Alma pushed through the crowd in order to gain a better view of who was in the middle of the circle, and felt a terrible, icy vice clench around their heart.

Yuu was snarling at the jeering instigators, Mugen a gleaming crimson in his hand, while Allen was standing quiety a little behind Yuu— _Why was he being so passive? Allen what happened to you?—_ hands folded behind his back and starting at a point on the floor in front of him. Allen was never one to shut down and let people walk all over him, and Yuu hadn't been this bothered by something (by people he didn't give a damn about, nonetheless) in a very long time.

They couldn't take it anymore, and the question burst out before they could think. "What the heck is going on here?" They frowned, making wary eye contact with the people in the circle, daring them to step forward, as they drew closer to their lovers. They put a hand on Allen and Yuu's shoulders, and they were bothered by the tremors—restraint in Allen's case and fury in Yuu's— that travelled from their bodies to Alma's hands.

"Alma, you should go," Allen said under his breath, finally making eye contact with them.

Their thick brows furrowed, and something uncomfortable grew in their chest. "Allen, I'm not leaving. Not when the two of you are, from the looks of it," they broke eye contact for a second to glance around at the crowd, "are being harassed by these people."

One of the spectators must have picked up on part of their sentence because they laughed as if it was the funniest thing in the world. "'Harassed'?" The finder grinned, "Why, we're just putting these freaks in their place!"

"'Freaks'?" Alma parroted, incredulousness coloring their tone. _How dare they insult Yuu and Allen!_

Yuu shifted in order to draw himself closer to Alma and Allen. "They're just being stupid, Alma. Just go. Don't make yourself upset about this."

Alma knew what the two of them were doing: they did not want them to get upset about this—did not want them to get triggered into another episode of explosive anger. But dammit to hell, they would not stand here and let their lovers be insulted and bothered by these terrible people. "If it was simply stupid people," Alma countered, "then you two would have been long gone."

Before either of them could get a word in, someone else in the angry crowd, a scientist this time, threw up his hand in an angry gesture. "Hey exorcist, don't lot yourself with these freaks. This one," he pointed towards Allen who met the gesture with a blank—but Alma knew him well enough to see the hurt swirling in those mercury pools—gaze, "is a fucking _Noah_. Don't even know why this traitor is still even here, heh. Should have been executed a long time ago, put down like the damn mangy dog that he is."

They broke out in a cold swear. "He's not—!"

"And that one," he continued as he pointed to Yuu, ignoring Alma's interjection, "isn't even really human! He's a science experiment for fuck's sake!" Worry, anger, and anxiousness made Alma feel sick because _how did they find out?!_ The Second Exorcist program wasn't supposed to be so known like that. "He parades around like he's a normal person, ha! He should go back to the test tube where he belongs."

Even though Allen would not defend himself, he seemed like he could not help but stand up for their lover. "Yuu is more human than you could ever be," Allen scowled, mercury eyes glinting with anger.

"Oh, so you finally said something, you filthy monster? What don't you come here and do something about it or…"

Alma knew that the dumb man in the crowd said something else because of his lips moving, but they couldn't hear the last part over the increasing ringing in their ears. _Shit, shit, not here!_ They tried taking calming breaths, tried to hold theirself in because if they popped off now, it would not be pretty.

Yuu's lips were moving, then Allen's, yet Alma was not good at lip reading. A familiar touch on their shaking shoulder made him realize that they were talking to them. If they opened their mouth, they would scream, they would yell, they would— _keep it together, keep it together, keep it together—_

Their mental chanting was all for naught as they gritted their teeth, feeling a few crack and heal as they watched and felt Yuu being shoved away from them and saw several eggs being thrown at Allen. Their lungs constricted and a deep, hot feeling of _hate_ roared in their belly.

Just before they blacked out, they heard theirself roar, "Listen here you sons of bitches! I—"

—It was quiet.

They didn't remember how they got here, sitting on the top of this staircase in one of the more secluded hallways of the Order.

They felt two people on either side of him, and Alma was distinctly uncomfortable at how long it took them to realize that it was Allen and Yuu. Their two lovers were not talking, just holding them. Whenever Alma had an episode, Allen and Yuu always waited for them to calm down and talk first. Swallowing hard, they slowly shifted as they grabbed Allen and Yuu's hands.

"What…did I do this time?" where the first words that spilled out of their mouth.

Allen squeezed their hand in his left, and Alma grounded theirself in the texture of his skin. "Don't worry about that, love," he said as he stroked a black nailed-thumb over their knuckles. "Those idiots won't be bothering anyone anymore."

Yuu used his other hand to rake through Alma's hair, cupping the back of their head and resting it on his shoulder. "A couple of flipped chairs and bruises ain't shit," he murmured as he continued stroking Alma's hair. "News got to Komui pretty quickly and those idiots are on disciplinary action now."

Alma knew there was more to that but felt too drained to pry. Their skin still felt clammy and chest still tight, but was beginning to relax against their lovers. "I hate it," they whispered, heart heavy as if a secret was just admitted.

"Hn?"

"I hate everything about this Order," they clarified, clenching their fists; Allen and Yuu squeezed back. "I hate the awful people here. I hate that they hate you guys. You two are so wonderful, so perfect!" They lifted up their head to meet cobalt and mercury gazes. "They don't know how caring and thoughtful and-and-and loving you are! Yuu, even though you're like me, you still are human." _Yuu's more human than I could ever hope to be._ They would never tell him that, though. They knew that Yuu (and Allen) hated when Alma thought less of theirself. "You're every bit human as everyone else, and-and Allen! Allen, you're not the Noah in your body! You're not a traitor and you would never betray us, and I despise that people think that about you."

Alma was thankful that neither of their lovers stopped them yet, because they really needed to get this out. "The Order has caused us _so_ much pain. Allen, Yuu, they've hurt you _so, so much_." They sniffled as tears welled in their eyes and rolled down their cheeks. " _I hate them so much that I_ _ **can't stand it**_ _…_ " (2)

The experiments, the pain, dying over and over again, being tortured, Allen turning and being hunted down, Allen battling with his own mind every day…

They hated it.

It burned them like acrid bile rising from their stomach.

But…

…As the three of them embraced each other, warm and alive and _here together_ , Alma thought that they could trudge on. As long as Alma had these two men, they could swallow the hate that often threatened to consume them once again.

They would keep walking, as Allen always said.

Keep walking with Yuu and Allen.

* * *

Published: 9/30/16

(1) Bomb: the mid 1800's, I'm pretty sure, is too early for the term IED (the explosive). So in this case, I use "bomb". Anyway, I kinda headcanon that Alma has Intermittent Explosive Disorder, aka IED. ( en . wikipedia wiki / Intermittent _ explosive _ disorder)

(2) Remember in canon where Alma is in Yuu's arms and is crying because the hate is just so much? "I hate them so much _I can't stand it_!" Yeah, I remember that deep, painful hatred and grudge, too.

A/N: Thanks to Guest, Baka-Bird, inuyashamunkey, Sikarma, and Shadow Spears for reviewing last chapter! You guys are great! 3


	5. Food Poisoning and Laughter

Disclaimer: I do not own D . Gray-Man

Warnings: language, mentions of being sick (vomitting).

Rest in pieces, Allen and Kanda

 **( Edit 10/25/16: October's second monthly update will be skipped. Sorry about the inconvenience; however, I really do have to focus on school. Updates will be back on around mid-November. Thank you for reading! :D )**

* * *

Drabble #5 Food Poisoning and Laughter

"No."

"Aww, c'mon, Yuu!"

"Not going to happen."

"Al, back me up here!"

"Nope, sorry, love."

"I promise that it'll be good!"

"That's what you said last time and then we got food poisoning," came the harmonious shut down from Allen and Kanda. Even the quick regenerative powers of a Second Exorcist and the slightly slower healing powers of Noah genes couldn't have saved Kanda and Allen from spending a good amount of time in the hospital ward. Kanda had spent two days scowling in there as his stomach tried to practically destroy itself, while Allen suffered next to him nearly keeling over from dehydration due to getting sick so many times.

Poor bastard had been in there for two days longer than Kanda. That had been one of the few times where Kanda had true, genuine pity for his white-haired lover.

Currently, the three of them were sitting in a circle in the floor of Alma's room, relaxing from the tedium of reports that they had to get done by the end of the day. Alma had wanted to show them something, but the grin on their face and glean in their eyes made Kanda particularly wary. Allen had shrugged and smiled, saying of course he would love to see what Alma had done or made _because he was a damn enabler like that_. Then again, Kanda was not really all that much better, which is why he was here in the situation he was now.

Trying not to get food poisoning a second time.

"I worked really hard on this," Alma pouted, holding up the dish of…Kanda was not sure what kind of food— _Can that even be called food?_ —was in their hands. "I asked Jerry a lot of advice beforehand, so I'm ninety-eight percent sure it's edible!" From the corner of his eye, he could see Allen lean back and mouth, _"'Ninety-eight percent sure,'"_ as horror leeched color from his already pale face.

As he took a closer look, he could somewhat make out what looked to be a lumpy bread…thing among some kind of sauce (or was that cream?). There were pieces of what he guessed were colorful fruit plopped amongst the sauce…but that was the only part of the dish that looked edible. There was something coming out of the bread that looked off-color and bumpy, and Kanda prayed that Alma had not put anything expired in there. _Well_ , he thought _, at least it doesn't_ _ **smell**_ _deadly like the last time_." One mark of improvement, if there ever was one—and damned if that didn't make him feel proud of Alma. The other Second was always in the kitchen at least once a week (when possible), learning what they could from Jerry.

That still did not make what Alma cooked edible a majority of the time, but Kanda wasn't going to be a dick and say that out loud.

Next to him, Allen gave a strained grin as he reached over and patted Alma's knee. "I fully believe you," _The most blatant lie I've ever heard him say through his teeth other than 'I'm fine',_ "when you say that it's probably edible. But…" he trailed off.

Alma gave him a flat look. "You think you're still going to get sick from it."

Leaning back, Allen flapped a hand in front of his face in a dismissive manner, still trying to give a reassuring smile. "No, no! That's not that at all! We just," he took a second to figure out what he was going to say, "think that you should…should practice a little more, is all."

Kanda shrugged, tipping his head in Allen's direction. That was a safe answer, right? Right.

Apparently that's not what Alma wanted to hear as they scrunched up their eyebrows and pouted. They stood up, one hand on their hip with the other holding the plate of 'food'. Leaning forward as they bent slightly over the waist, they turned their attention more on Allen than Kanda. While Kanda did feel slightly guilty that his lover was pinned under the focus, and perhaps upcoming wrath, of Alma, he in no way wanted to be in Allen's shoes. A hyper-focused, determined Alma was not a good Alma to be on the other side of.

"I worked very hard on this, _Allen-dear_ ," that tone meant nothing positive was to come, "so I _expect_ you to at least try this." Alma was an average sized person, but the aura they were radiating seemed to engulf the entire room (like when Timcanpy swelled to ridiculous sizes).

Still sitting on the floor, Kanda made sure he shuffled away from what was going to happen. He edged himself closer to Alma's bed, making himself a lesser seen target. Now, he was in no way a coward or someone who was quick to scare, but dammit did he have common sense. _Unlike the Usagi, I know when to leave people the hell alone_ , he thought as he watched Alma inch closer to Allen. _I'm not gonna be poisoned by that damn food today._

Sensing the incoming doom, Allen was quick to his feet. "Alma, love, dear-heart," he tried buttering up their lover, "I love you with all my being, but I do not want another trip to the infirmary if I can help it."

Alma whipped out a spoon— _Where in the hell did he get that from?_ —as they launched theirself at Allen! "Eat it, Allen!"

Allen rolled to the side out of Alma's trajectory. "Not going to happen!"

"I made this out of love, dammit!"

"I know, but I don't want to get sick!"

It was if he was watching one of Komui's films take place: the chaos and energy as his two lovers ducked, weaved, and attempted to grab one another. Somehow Alma was keeping balance of the dish in their hand as they rolled and dived toward Allen, while Allen used his impeccable flexibility to weave and bend out of the way. There were some points where Kanda was surprised that Allen could contort himself in such a way, but then he reminded himself that this was _Allen_ he was talking about. A spoonful of food was stabbed in the area of Allen's face, but he back flipped away, nearly hitting the wall. Shouts of indignant frustration ripped from Alma's mouth as they missed Allen again—the white haired man didn't make it any better by switching his hips from side to side as he stuck out his tongue and pulled a lower eyelid down.

"Bleeeh!"

The growl that came from Alma could be liked to a pissed off tiger. "One way or another, I'm going to shove this down your throat." Kanda couldn't hold back a slight shiver when Alma bared their teeth in an unholy smile. "You can't run away!" And so the dodging and charging began again.

In his haste to get away from Alma and their food of death, he tripped over a corner of the carpet and landed on his back. Alma was quick to straddle his waist (it would have been hot if not for Alma trying to shove poison down Allen's throat.). "Eat. It."

Allen kept moving his head so that Alma couldn't access his mouth. "Not." He tucked his head to his chest. "Going to." Some cream smeared on his cheek on top of his scar. "Eat it!" He headbutted Alma's hand away from his face, prompting the two of them to practically wrestle one another on the floor.

As he was watching the two of them grapple at each other, a bubbly feeling arose from his chest and spread throughout his body. Before he could stop it, laughter escaped his lips, escalating to the point where he was hunched over, arms wrapped around his middle. "Y-you two are fucking _r-ridiculous_!" Tears sprang from the corners of his closed eyes but he was much too busy trying (and failing) to regulate his breathing to wipe them away. He regretted cracking an eye open to look at his lovers, because that only sent him spiraling into a new wave of laughter because _their faces are so stupid-looking_. Both of them were bug-eyed, mouths gaping even in the silly positions they had each other in: Alma on top of Allen, knees pinning his legs, arm cocked back with spoon in hand, and another hand tangled in white hair. Allen had a hand shoving Alma's chin away, legs struggling to shake the chestnut-haired bundle of energy away, and other hand gripping at Alma's arm. Kanda tilted over, effort of trying to calm himself down long having left him.

God, when was the last time he felt this happy? This light?

Laying here on the floor, arms wrapped around himself…it somehow felt easier to breath. For that brief moment, the world and its evil and hatred and deprecation wasn't pressing down on his chest.

He was able to collect himself after some time, still laying on the ground as he wiped the tears from his eyes. For once, he wasn't embarrassed that Allen and Alma were looking at him so unraveled and unhinged, and the fond expressions on their faces made him feel even better. Life, even for this short time, was good…

…Well, it _had been_ good until Alma took the chance to shove a spoonful of food down his and Allen's lax mouths.

Surprisingly, after choking, the food actually tasted delicious. However, that did not help either man is they lay curled up in cots in the infirmary several hours later.

It turned out that Alma had cross contaminated some of the ingredients while they were making the food earlier, which led to both him and Allen getting salmonella poisoning. The Head Nurse, as she shook her head at them and gave Alma a light glare, said the two of them were lucky the poisoning hadn't been worse as salmonella was nothing to joke about.

Kanda agreed with her, all healed the next day, as he held back Allen's hair and wiped his fevered, sweaty forehead as he violently retched into the toilet.

"I regret b-being such a— _hurk_ —good boyfriend," Allen gagged as he leaned against Kanda.

"Same."

"I'm sorry!" came Alma's worried shout from behind the closed bathroom door. "I love you—I'm so sorry!"

"I know— _hack_ —I know, love."

The food poisoning was worth it (for the most part).

* * *

Published: 10/16/16

A/N: There was too much angst the last two chapters, so I decided to make this one lighter. Also check me out on tumblr (elreyexorcista) and (badlydrawnyullen)!

A/N 2: Thank you to ShadowTrooper1414, nikonekonyan, Baka-Bird, Shadow Spears, Sikarma, and Codename-SN for reviewing last chapter! Glad you all liked it! :D


	6. Mirror, Mirror in His Hand

**Disclaimer** : I do not own D. Gray-Man

Ahh, thank you all for your patience! I hope you all like this chapter. :3c (Also, special thanks to Sikarma for inspiring me for more Allen/Alma interaction.)

* * *

Drabble #6: Mirror, Mirror in His Hand

While Allen, Kanda, and Alma were attached by the hip more often than not, there were times where they had to separate to get work done. Like now, for example. Kanda was off on a mission a few towns over in order to retrieve a piece of Innocence, and Allen was off doing his own thing. He had told Alma earlier that he needed a bit of time to himself, and Alma respected that. They had assumed that Allen just needed time to breathe and such, because as much as the three of them loved each other, it was absolutely certain that they wanted to throttle each other every once in a while. Why, just yesterday, they had to get in between Allen and Kanda to prevent blood from being spilled (over blanket-hogging, of all things).

Alma shook their head at the memory, smile quirking their lips upwards. _I don't know what I would do without those two and their spats. Then again, I'm no better._ Without meaning it, they had put Allen and Kanda in the hospital with food poisoning. Twice.

"Here you go, hun~!" Jerry's voice broke through their thoughts. The pink-haired man handed Alma a bowl of fruit, dango and donuts, smiling at Alma.

Alma grinned back at Jerry, taking the food. "Thank you, Jerry! I'm sure Allen will really enjoy this."

Before they could leave, Jerry winked at them and pointed his mixing spoon towards the bowl. "I slipped in something for you, too. Egg salad with extra mayonnaise in a little container, sweetie."

 _Oh, Jerry was so thoughtful_. Alma was always so happy to come talk to Jerry, even if it was only for a few minutes. The Indian cook was one of the few people that truly cared about those who worked in the Order. "You're the best, Jerry."

"No problem. Now go see your little lover boy."

And with that Alma made their way over to Allen's room. They weren't quite sure what Allen was up to, but they were positive he would appreciate the food. Allen never denied food. As they slipped into the hall that led to Allen's room, they saw Link standing outside Allen's door, leaning against the wall. _I thought Link was supposed to stay with Allen all the time. And why does he have that expression on his face?_ Link had his arms crossed, and head tilted towards the floor. Even at that angle, Alma could see the tenseness around his flared, blonde eyebrows; the tightening around his crimson eyes; and the muscle working in his jaw. The weight weighing down his shoulders was visible even from where Alma stood.

They took a few steps closer until they neared Link. The inspector did not seem to notice the Second, which was highly unlike him. Alma knew that Link prided himself in his sharp situational awareness. To see the blonde so distracted was worrying.

"Link?" they called. The man still had not taken notice of Alma, so they repeated a little louder. "Link!"

The Inspector snapped his head toward Alma's voice, body jerking to stiff attention. "A-Alma Karma. I assumed you would be with Jerry for a few more hours."

"Just Alma, Link," they said on reflex. "And, I was with Jerry, but only to grab some food for Allen and I. I thought he would appreciate the snacks while he's doing whatever he's doing." The partially opened door leaked out Allen's voice, and if Alma wasn't mistaken, it sounded like he was talking to someone. They could not quite make out what he was saying, but the tone was cutting and terse. _Who is he talking to?_ There weren't many people that Allen let in his room; Link and Alma were out here, Kanda and Lenalee were on their own missions, and Lavi was in the library. If it was not one of them, then who…? Link's uncomfortable expression and Allen's sharp-as-glass tone did not make Alma feel at ease. "What…What _is_ he doing, Link?"

Link shot a loaded look at the door, then back to Alma."He and the Fourteenth have been communicating for several hours now."

A cold feeling gushed through their veins. _He's doing_ _ **what**_? Ever since they came back to the Order, Allen tried his hardest _not_ to be in contact with Neah if possible. _Did he contact Neah, or did Neah contact him? Is Neah toying with him again?_

Their shock and worry must have physically bled into their face because Link went on to explain, "Allen told me to keep you away as he did not want you to be concerned; however," crimson eyes flickered to the door warily then back to them. "I can't keep you away if I never saw you. I can only offer you ten minutes, otherwise one of the _other_ guards might notice me away from my post." Ever since their return to the Order—Link, Allen, Kanda, Johnny, and Alma—Leverrier was especially prudent on keeping an eye on them. Guards from Central roamed the castle freely, keen eyes tracking their every move. "Use your time wisely." Saying that, Link was quick to walk away and turn the corner, leaving Alma in front of the door. To say that Link was an uptight person was an understatement, but Alma did appreciate the moment of privacy that he offered them.

Hovering next to the door, palm pressed against the wood, Alma felt like they were being nosy. Listening into a conversation, although it sounded like a one-way conversation to their ears, felt wrong…felt like they were breaking Allen's trust. Allen was a very private person, even to his lovers sometimes. This snooping put Alma ill at ease, but dammit to hell Allen was Alma's lover, and that meant they would care for Allen—even if that meant eavesdropping from time to time.

Alma glanced through the crack of the door and could see Allen sitting on the edge of his bed, glaring at a small hand mirror in his hand. Luckily from this angle they could see the reflection in the mirror, and was confused to see just Allen's porcelain face. _Why would he be glaring at himself?_ As they tilted their ear closer to the door to pick up Allen's hushed voice, they could finally make out the conversation. "—don't care how much you hate humans, you are _not_ killing anyone at this Order."

A pause. "I agree. Humans are the cause of so much pain and destruction, but that doesn't mean that you can go and hurt people just because you feel like it." Another pause, which was followed by a derisive snort. "Even that bastard from Central, yes."

"I know we have to leave soon…" He trailed off, looking at his hand. "But that does not mean I am happy about it, you know."

' _Leave soon?' Where is he going?_ Alma felt a cold gush of panic race through them. _Is he leaving us?_

Allen looked back into the mirror. "We are not doing this again, Neah. We came to an agreement before we got here that this is my body, not yours. I'm not a puppet for your use."

They counted a full two minutes pass by before they saw Allen shift and full-out scowl at the mirror. "Listen here, you piece of _shite_ ," his voice turned low with warning and anger, startling Alma. It was rare that they had ever heard Allen like this: so dangerous, so venomous like a cornered, hurt snake. "You **will not** lay a finger on either of them, no matter what they have to do with this convoluted plan of yours. You will do them no harm, or so help me I will not give you the _chance_ to even _see_ the Earl again, let alone fight him…Do I make myself clear, Neah?"

There was another pause, and Alma assumed that Neah must have said something unpleasant because Allen's eyes widened and he stood up then cocked back his arm holding the mirror. Before they knew what they were doing, Alma burst into the room just as Allen was about to throw the mirror. "Stop!"

Allen froze, head swiveling and gaze landing on Alma. "A-Alma! What are you doing here?"

There was a tangible energy charging the air, but Alma was certain that wasn't the cause for the hair on their arms standing on end. They slowly raised the arm that was holding the food. "I…I came to check on you, to bring you snacks. Thought you would have appreciated the break to whatever you were doing…" Their words died at their end of their sentence as they took in their lover: wide mercury eyes that were red at the corners, body still in the position to throw the mirror, paler than normal skin, and almost invisible tremors running through his muscles. What was he discussing that made him like this? "I should be asking you what you're doing, Al."

The white-haired male still stood frozen, mouth opening and closing as he attempted to figure out what to say. Finally, he just let out a long sigh and shifted his body, lowering his arm and dropping the mirror on the bed. "I…I didn't want you to see that." He sounded utterly drained, and there was a note of shame lacing his voice.

"How long have you been talking to Neah?"

There were a few stretched moments before the reluctant answer came. "…Ever since we returned to the Order."

Alma let out a sharp breath, "Allen."

"I _know_ I said I wouldn't talk to him," he frowned, looking away, "but…." Allen sighed, crossing his arms and still not looking at Alma. "I didn't want you to see me acting all crazy, talking to a mirror like that." His voice wavered at the end, and Alma tried to ignore how bitter he sounded. (1)

"You're not crazy."

"I have a voice in my head. How is that not crazy?"

"Allen," Alma took a set the food on the bed and took a step towards Allen. They rested their hand on his shoulder and turned him around to face them. They used their other hand to put against Allen's pale cheek, and he tilted his cold cheek in the warmth of their hand. They swiped their thumb under his red-rimmed eye and tried not to take notice of how starkly pale Allen's skin was against their darker tone. "You are anything but crazy. You're not hearing made up voices—there's actually someone with you. And even if you were, who am I to judge, huh?" They tried for a reassuring smile.

Sliver eyelashes fluttered closed as Allen leaned his forehead against theirs. "…You don't think I'm crazy?" he asked tentatively.

"I don't think you're crazy," Alma confirmed as they kissed him. "But I do think you're not telling me something."

Mercury eyes reopened. " _How much did you hear_?" He tried to wriggle out of Alma's arms, but they would not let him.

Alma pressed Allen tight against theirself in an embrace. "Are you leaving us, Al?" Now that Allen was a constant in their life, they could not fathom a universe where he was not beside them and Yuu. They subconsciously gripped Allen tighter, not wanting to lose him.

"…I made a deal." _'With the devil'_ was left unsaid. "There's…we have a plan to—"

It was then that Link poked his head through the door, stern eyes landing on the two of them. "Ten minutes are up," he interrupted. "A guard was giving me odd looks on the way back, so I suggest you return to Jerry, Alma Karma." His eyes softened a little. "I'm sorry I could not afford the two of you more time."

They knew it wasn't Link's fault, but Alma wished they could just stay here with Allen…and find out what he was going to say. With the utmost reluctance, Alma loosened their arms around their lover and took a step towards the door. A thrill of worry was rattling through their bones. _I thought we were done with secrets._ "You know we still have to talk about his, right, Allen?"

There was a pregnant pause before Allen said, "I know, love. I'll tell you and Kanda when he gets back from his mission." And there was that smile that Alma hated, the fake one dripping with heartache that Allen liked to plaster on his face to reassure others. "There's…there's a lot I need to talk about."

Alma couldn't think of anything to say, but instead nodded and offered a loving smile. Before they left the room, they turned their head over their shoulder. "Allen, I'm not quite sure what's going on in that head of yours, but don't forget that we love you, alright?"

"I love you, too."

It was going to be a long night waiting for Yuu to come back tomorrow. Alma could tell they weren't going to get much sleep tonight.

* * *

Published: 12/2/16

A/N 1: Thank you to Sikarma, Shadow Spears, Codename-SN, and Baka-Bird for reviewing last chapter!

A/N 2: I tried to write this one a little longer than usual to make up for my absence.

*Gasps* What is this? A hint of an actual plot? Well, you guys will have to stick around to find out that happens next. Next installment will be a direct continuation of this one. Also, the Yulmallen AU Drabbles will still be continuing; however, I'm afraid that I can only post them once a month now instead of twice a month. I really have to focus on school.

(1) Allen has always been pretty insecure when it comes to be abnormal. He tries his hardest to appear normal and just like everyone else, but we all know that can't really happen; not with his luck.


	7. Who's the Most Desperate in the Land?

**Disclaimer** : I do not own D. Gray-Man

 **Warnings** : language, panic attack, mild dissociation.

Aaaaaand here's the next chapter! My original plan had been to update this since last week, but it got delayed as I had to bring my laptop to get fixed. But it's done now! :D

* * *

Drabble #7: Who's the Most Desperate in the Land?

Sitting on the comfortable couch that was in Komui's office, Allen felt as if he was going to be ill. Violently ill. He felt cold, slightly clammy, and he was positive that the cramping stomach and faint tremors running through his hands had nothing to do with a caught sickness. He clenched his hands as a means to deter the tremors, but frowned when they would not stop. So inwardly focused was he that he startled when he felt a warm hand encase one of his shaking ones. Adjacent to him, Alma was giving him on of their beautiful, deep smiles, the one that made him feel safe and secure.

A pity that he had not been feeling a modicum of safety over the past month with nigh everyone looking at him like a freak and a monster. Oh yes, and he mustn't forget scum, murderer, traitor, demon, and myriad of other choice names. While he never acted on the negativity that they all projected on him, he was not an ignorant fool.

 _ **You may not be ignorant, but you're still a fool**_ , the voice in his mind commented in a tone that was a bewildering mix of condescending yet fond.

 _Shut up_ , Allen hissed back mentally, _I don't need your opinion right now_.

He, Komui, Link, and Alma were waiting in Komui's office for Kanda to show and give his mission report. He and Alma were sitting thigh to thigh on the couch while saving a space for Kanda to sit, Link had positioned himself at the door, and Komui was sitting at his desk, fingers steepled in front of his mouth. When the two exorcists had come to the Supervisor, explaining the need to have somewhere to hold an important discussion without roaming eyes and nosy ears, he agreed without question. He had offered his office as a place of refuge for them to wait for Kanda and to talk. To prying outsiders such as the Central guards, it would only appear as a simple mission debrief with an input of fellow exorcists.

Allen would have said that Komui was a godsend, but God no longer seemed to smile upon anyone in the Order. How could he, when they were sent like lambs to the slaughter every day? How could he, when the two loves of his life were created as weapons solely to be used and experimented on? How could he, when the prospect of leaving humanity behind to join his very enemies that treated him with more kindness than the majority of the Order seemed more and more appealing? Despite that, Allen was loath to admit that he still prayed every night to the God that abandoned them all like a good little Catholic boy should. Memorized passages, words of desperation, and pleas to the kingdom of saints and the Holy Virgin Mary painted his lips as often as the blood he coughed up from his injuries. They were pleas of safe passage to his friends travelling across country borders, pleas of protection to his comrades fighting nearly every day, and pleas of pathetic desperation that his loves would live to see another day, to be healthy and together and with one another. ' _Don't separate them again. Not in yet another life,'_ was his personal favorite. They could survive with one another…If something ever happened to him, they would have each other.

Even if he did survive the absolute mess that was his life now, there was no way he was going to live past the age of thirty with his parasitic Innocence…

Across the room, he noticed Link stiffen and lean his head closer to the door as if to better hear something. After a beat, he turned to them and said, "Kanda will be here shortly."

With that, the sickening unease returned to Allen, and he swallowed hard. He knew this conversation needed to happen, needed to be brought to light, but that did not mean it was going to be any easier.

 _ **God have mercy on your souls**_ , was Neah's mocking chuckle.

Without any preamble, as was his usual fashion, Kanda barged into the office with a frown on his face. To anyone other than Allen and Alma, that scowl would announce a terrible mood, but to them it was a signal of the raven-haired man's tiredness. There was dust at the bottom of his gold-lined coat, and Allen could already see that next to him, Alma had a need to clean it. The Second liked to keep things clean (at least their clothes, anyway).

Kanda stopped and narrowed his eyes, taking in all the people in the room. After flicking his attention to Komui and Link, he met gazes with his two lovers. A slight tilt of the head and twitch of the fingers belied his suspicion, and Alma met it with a mouthed explanation of _'Don't worry.'_ He rested his gaze on the two of them a moment longer before turning to Komui and tossing the mission folder on the heavy oak desk.

"…I thought this was a mission briefing," he knit his eyebrows together. "What are Allen, Alma, and the lapdog doing here?" Even after returning to the Order together, the two men still had not rectified their differences. On any normal occasion, Allen would have chided Kanda for his sour attitude towards Link, but now was not the time.

Komui sighed as he brushed the folder to the side of his desk, along with the mountain of other paperwork that everyone knew that he had yet to read. "I can read your report in due time. However, it seems that we have a rather urgent matter on our hands. It needs to be discussed with everyone present, though we cannot have… _certain individuals_ overhearing." There was no need to clarify who the people in question were. The tall scientist nodded his head in Allen's direction, rubbing a calloused thumb over his knuckle in a worried fashion. "Allen will take it from here as he is the one who called for this meeting in the first place."

All eyes were on him and he forced himself to stay (somewhat) calm as he stood from his spot; it was now or never. He locked eyes, mercury to crimson, with Link across the room and received an encouraging nod in return. Clearing his throat, he began, "Thank you, Komui. I…I've been doing a lot of thinking, especially after we came back to the Order. This Holy War," he could not keep the sneer out of his voice or off his face, "has been going on for far too long. Even I can tell, despite being here for almost two years. The Noah and the Earl have been getting bolder and bolder, and I hate to say this, but we have not been making the best progress." He began to pace, trying to gather his thoughts.

With visible reluctance, Kanda took a seat on the couch, eyes never leaving the white-haired exorcist. "We all know that, Moyashi. What's your point?"

A non-heated glare was sent his way. "My _point_ , Bakanda, is…is, well—I know that none of you are going to like it. But Link has known since we've come back to the Order, and Alma partially found out yesterday." Allen took a breath, trying to stave away the queasiness that was coming back with a vengeance. _This is not going to end well_. "I'm sorry for not telling you, but I've been actively communicating with the Fourteenth."

Their reactions were all of what he expected: Komui's surprise was shown through his widened eyes behind his glasses and his tensed posture, while Kanda's shock and subsequent anger were more prominent. Despite having sat for only a moment, he shot up from his seat, hands clenched and slanted eyes wide. "What the hell, Moyashi?! I fucking thought you were purposely ignoring that ass-hat." To anyone that did not know Kanda as well as he or Alma did, the Japanese exorcist would have sounded furious; however, to Allen's ears, his rough tone masked his deep concern and worry.

Alma rose from their seat and stood next to Kanda, putting their hands on his shoulders. "Yuu."

"Allen, what have…" Komui spoke with a touch of unease underlining his voice, "what have you and the Fourteenth been discussing?"

The drained, cursed teenager dropped his gaze to the messy, paper-covered floor. "I am tired, Komui. I am very, very tired. I'm tired of watching people die senselessly, I'm tired of having to fight for my body, and I am tired and _done_ with running." Frown stretching his lips, he steeled his gaze back to all of them before announcing, "I made a deal with Neah to join the third side of the war. Link and I are going to leave the Order."

Now, if what he had said before had caused some unrest, this statement brought forth a surging wave of chaos.

Alma turned sharply at him, panic alight in their russet-brown eyes. "Allen, no!" _Please don't think I'm abandoning you, love_.

Komui finally stood from his seat behind his desk, walking around the piece of furniture closer to Allen. "You can't be serious, Allen…Why? You were just reinstated!"

"You must be out of your goddamn mind," growled Kanda, eyes blazing. "You think we're just going to let you walk away after all that work we did—that _you_ did—in order to come back?!"

It's not like he wanted to go and leave all his precious people behind, but he had to do this. "There's no other way," Allen sighed as he stopped pacing. "Look, I can't stay here, not with Neah in my body, not with the Earl getting increasingly adamant on capturing me. On top of that, I can't in good faith work at the Order anymore, not with the knowledge of what they've done to all the people I care about." Saying that, he gave pointed looks to Alma and Kanda. "Please understand," he begged.

"Fuck that!" Kanda slashed a hand in front of himself. "I am not letting you go, dammit! You think being here is bad? Think about what the Earl is going to do to you when you're out there all alone. What then, Moyashi?"

Alma reached a hand to clutch at Allen's shirt sleeve. "You're going to be an easier target for the Akuma and Noah, Al. Even if you came to an agreement with Neah like you said you have, it's not going to end well at all!"

"I won't be able to keep Central off your tail, Allen," Komui spoke, but what Allen heard behind the words was ' _I can't keep you safe if you're not here._ ' Bless this man. Komui's heart was too big for his own good: too caring, too passionate.

Link, ever present near the door, finally offered his two cents. "Allen and I have been discussing this plan for a long while now. We've concluded that this is the best decision. Please respect it."

"No!" came the harmonious shut-down from Alma and Kanda.

"I cannot, in good conscious, condone this, Allen," Komui fiddled with his glasses, severe frown on his face.

 _I knew this was not going to end well, but I_ _ **need**_ _them to understand. I can't keep putting them in danger. It's my fault they keep getting hurt, shite._ "I know none of you approve, but I _have_ to do this!" He growled through gritted teeth. Tears stung his eyes, and he was quick to blink them away, trying to keep some sort of composure together. "I…" he took a shaky breath, "I just…Let me protect you, please."

The atmosphere in the room was tense, and Allen was sure that was not the reason he was having some trouble breathing. Alma and Kanda moved to engulf him in an embrace, but he stepped away not wanting the contact right now. The fabric of his clothing— _What was I wearing again?_ —rubbed against his skin in a way that set his teeth on edge, despite being the clothing that was most comfortable in his very small wardrobe. He could not help but scratch his arms, the feeling of biting insects crawling underneath his skin. There was a distinct buzzing in his ears that was beginning to drown out most of what the others were saying. _Don't leave, Allen. Stay in the moment, stay in the moment,_ he chanted, trying to anchor himself and not drift. _Stay here, stay here, stayhere, stayhere_ _ **stayherestaySTAYSTAY**_ —

"Leaving isn't protecting us, baka. You should—"

"—don't think that's wise, since—"

Too many words, too many voices. What were they saying? _Shut up, shut up, shut up, why don't you lot understand?!_ Why wouldn't the ringing go away?

"…not possible…the Order—"

"Going on the run again…we've already—"

 _ **You should have just left in silence, fool. This would have been much easier without anyone knowing of your departure.**_

 _Please stop, be quiet, be quiet, bequietbequiet_ _ **bequietbequietBEQUIET**_ _! You don't understand, you need me to do this. If not you'll—_

"…Allen are you alright?"

"Al?"

"Moyashi…? Allen!"

" _YOU'LL ALL DIE!"_ The scream that ripped from his throat was shrill and near animalistic; he had trouble recognizing that was indeed his own voice. He heaved, gulping large breaths of air as he tried to calm himself down. His head felt like it was about to split, his heart raced in his chest, and he was fairly certain the human body was not supposed to shake this much. After a solid minute of silence, once he became somewhat more coherent, he realized that he had (at some point) dropped to the ground in a ball, hands clutching his white hair and tears streaming down his flushed cheeks.

The only sound permeating the air was his unsteady breathing. Everything hurt, everything was tense, and _Jesus Christ_ why was this happening? "Y-You'll all die if…if I don't leave. Central wants my head and the Earl and Noah, my blood." He took another gulping breath. "They'll come after you…and you'll die." _And I'll lose everyone I've ever loved for good._

 _I'll be all alone again._

"Allen…"

"Oh, Allen—"

He didn't realize how long he had been stuck in his head; however, it must have been a good few minutes as he jolted when he felt someone touch his shoulder. He raised his head to see Kanda and Alma kneeling next to him, faces morose yet loving. Kanda was careful not to jostle him as he scooped him up in his lap and pressed his head against his chest. The steady beat of his core-heart was grounding, a song that only he and one other were allowed to hear whenever they needed. "…We are not going to die, Allen," he said in a low voice. His lover petted his white hair while Alma grabbed his shaking, mismatched hands in theirs. "Fuck the other people. Fuck Central, fuck the Ear and the Noah, and fuck everyone else. We are _not_ going to die, do you understand?"

 _Don't make promises you can't keep,_ he wanted to say aloud, yet the words died in his throat. _Mana promised to stay with me, and…he died. He died and came back through a fate worse than death…left me all alone. All alone, all alone alone ALONE_ _ **ALONEALONE**_ _. Did he love me? Did he really love me? Do they—"_

"Allen."

He blinked, and it took a moment to realize that he had become lost in his mind for a bit there. He locked eyes with Alma's worried russet-brown, then tilted his head to see Kanda's equally concerned cobalt. As if sensing his distress, the swordsman kissed him and drew him closer. He felt Alma wrap their arms around the both of them, and Allen was comforted by their elevated body temperatures. If they had to look on the bright side, at least being a Second meant not being cold easily.

"We love you, Al," Alma said as they kissed the crown of his head, "and we love you enough to stay by your side. We won't leave you, _ever_."

Kanda grunted, and Allen was familiar enough with his caveman-esque sounds to understand that one meant agreement. "Listen to the sap, Allen. If you think we're gonna let you waltz out of here by yourself and the lapdog, then you have another thing coming."

Allen looked helplessly at his lovers, then to Komui and Link. He was a selfish person her hated to admit, hoarding his loved one like a dragon would their valuables. If they died… _I wouldn't know what to do._ "I can't stay," he croaked, throat sore from the screaming and crying.

Kanda shifted against Alma and Allen. "Well, then the answer is easy."

Allen felt his eyebrow crease in confusion, slight frown on his face. "How so?"

In the agitated atmosphere, Alma's light and warm demeanor was a balm to Allen's unease. "If you can't go, we'll just have to go with you! Pretty simple, if you ask me."

Without meaning to do so, Allen and Komui spluttered at the same time, thrown off balance. "W-Wait, what?! No way, I can't let you two do that!" Allen protested.

"You can't be serious," Komui gaped. "I'm not comfortable with Allen leaving, but for all three of you to go, including Link? There is no possible way that Central wouldn't be on your tails, what with that many combatants gone rogue!"

Alma and Kanda pulled Allen to his feet, and he was thankful for their steadying hands as he was still a little disoriented. This wasn't the first time he's needed help after an…episode; he had long since swallowed his pride. "Fuck Central," Kanda said in his natural brusque fashion. "Think about it. It'd actually be _safer_ if Allen had us along with him. The CROW over there is just one person. Moyashi is gonna need more backup if things go south."

At his position by the door, Link practically bristled. Allen knew that Link bad kept silent for the most part out of respect for him, Alma, and Kanda. However, he also knew from personal experience that Link was very prideful in his abilities and did not take any insult against them lightly, direct or indirect. "I am _more_ than capable of defending both Allen and myself, Kanda Yuu." Link's voice was leaning towards a mix of a growl and a hiss. "It would behoove you not to underestimate me."

Their raven-haired lover stepped towards Link, squaring his shoulders and baring gritted teeth. "You trying to start something, _lapdog_?"

"I assure you, you must be deluding yourself, _hot head_ ," Link shot back, also taking a step toward Kanda.

Jesus Christ, Allen did not need a pissing match right now.

Just as Allen and Alma were going to say something, Komui stepped in before things could get ugly; he startled everyone when he slapped a hand on his desk, but it did its job at getting everyone's attention. " _Link, Kanda_ , control yourselves." The two men harrumphed, well chided. The Supervisor took a breath to visibly collect himself. "Now, Allen, I have to reiterate that I cannot condone you all leaving, especially after returning so soon. But…I can turn a blind eye towards it." Komui moved to stand in front of Allen—Alma and Kanda had moved aside when they had seen the man nearing—and put his hands on his shoulders. "I'll give you three an open-ended mission under the guise of searching for several pieces of Innocence. That will keep Central and Leverrier off your backs for some time. But, Allen…" The exorcist was surprised when Komui hugged him tightly, continuing to speak in a tone akin to a mourner's eulogy, "I'm afraid I cannot do any more than that to help you. I'm sorry."

 _Bleeding hell, Komui is such a good person_ , Allen though as he gripped the back of the taller man's white jacket just a little bit tighter. _He doesn't deserve all the shit that he's put through in this hell hole._ "Thank you, and there's nothing to apologize for," he said, just above a whisper. "You do more for us than _anybody_ else." He chose not to comment on the watery sniffle he heard from Komui.

The scientist turned to address the exorcists and the Inspector. "I can give you all a week to get ready for your…mission. Anything more and Central will get suspicious why you are taking so long to prepare. Use your time wisely, you all." The ' _be careful_ ' was left unsaid.

"We'll try our best, Komui," Alma replied, smile more on the grim side, "but you know us. Can't promise anything."

"I know, and that's what worries me. Oh, and I still need that mission report, Kanda."

Alma laughed while Kanda huffed. "Can't get rid of us that easily, Moyashi."

"It's Allen, Bakanda."

 _ **Do as the scientist said, Allen. You have one week to do everything that you need to get done: say your goodbyes, tie up any lose ends and such…because once the week is up, you better not have any regrets when we leave.**_

One week, one week to go.

* * *

Published: 2/3/17

A/N: Thank you to nikonekonyan, Shadow Spears, Sikarma, thor94, Naka-Bird, and NerdyBlogs for reviewing. I really make me smile to see what you all think of the chapters! :D


	8. There Is No Escape, But Do Not Surrender

Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man

Warning: language, violence, mild gore.

* * *

Drabble #8: There Is No Escape, But Do Not Surrender

If he had to be blunt, the day had been absolute shit—which in no way made the night any easier.

In addition to the news that Allen had dropped in Komui's office, it had been a bad contact day—clothes that he didn't wear often (as his normal ones were in the wash pile) were either too scratchy or too itchy, and people kept wanting to touch him more than normal for some strange reason (pats on the back from one department, a slap on the shoulder from Lavi, and so on. But, enough of that.

Kanda shifted, attempting to get into a more comfortable position to no avail. He sighed in frustration as he tossed and turned, trying his best not to jostle Alma or Allen too much. If anything, they deserved a good night's rest even if he could not. No use in keeping them up just cause his stupid brain couldn't slow the hell down enough for him to get to sleep. _This is fucking bullshit_ , he growled mentally. Irritation was coursing through his veins, and it wasn't just because he couldn't fall asleep.

The whole situation with Allen, Neah, and the third side of the war made him all kinds of uncomfortable. Even though he agreed without hesitation to stick with Allen in his departure, it in no way was going to be an easy road. Central already disliked the three of them—Allen because of the Noah and Alma and himself because they were Seconds—as it was, so to leave and have them on their tails again? He gripped the corner of the sheet in his tight fist. It was like they were on the run all over again.

Even with Komui's 'mission' blessing them with a slight time window, who's to say that information wouldn't leak and the CROWs wouldn't be hounding for their blood before they knew it? The risks were ridiculously high, but despite all the negative outcomes that were slated against them, Kanda would still stick with the people he loved…no matter how rough it would get.

He had already almost lost his first love for good, watching them die in his arms and fade away almost completely…

He watched his second love almost be devoured alive by the devil in his head, which would have been worse than death…

A hand on his cheek almost made him startle, and he looked over his shoulder to see russet-brown eyes staring back at him. "I c'n feel you thinkin' too much, Yuu," Alma slurred though a sleep-addled mouth. "Get s'm sleep." The tan hand moved from his cheek to plop right over his eyes, blocking out the little light that had managed to reach them in the dark room. He gave a little snort, but adjusted himself the best he could in order not to wake up Allen. He knew the white-haired terror hadn't been sleeping well, so he and Alma were trying their best to get him to sleep whenever possible.

Finally settling into a comfortable position, he reveled in the warmth of the bodies around him and the softness of the sheets. As he listened to the breathing and the soft snores of his lovers, he knew one thing:

He would make sure they lived, even if he could not. They deserved to be happy more than anything. With all the hell they had been through, happiness was small in comparison.

They deserved it.

Just as he felt himself drift off, he was suddenly shocked wake. His eyes shot open, the fuzziness of sleep clearing away, and his gaze flicked around the room. _What the hell? Why do I feel like this…?_ From the long years of fighting on the battlefield, his senses were fine tuned to anything abnormal. Now, they were screaming at him to be aware—that something was coming, that something was going to happen soon.

Kanda quickly sat up and woke Alma and Allen. He shook their shoulders, urging them to hurry the hell up and wake up. When they protested, the tugged a lock of Alma's hair and pinched Allen's pierced ear. The resounding, loud "ow!" from the both of them at least let him know they were wide awake.

"Wha' the bloody hell, Kanda?!" Allen griped, scowling at him. "We were sleeping, dammit."

Still trying to figure out what exactly shocked him awake, he grunted. "Obviously. Time to wake up, I think something isn't right."

Saying that, they both became serious, aware that he would not mess around with something like that. "Like what?" Alma asked, eyebrows pinched in worry.

"I don't know, but I know it's nothing good…"

"We should leave," Alma said, yanking away the sheets away from their legs. They quickly began pulling on their shoes, and Allen and Kanda were right behind them. "Or at least walk around—see if there's anything out of the ordinary."

With his sleep pants tucked into his boots, Allen was already at the door. "With all the guards walking around? We better be careful. I suppose we could say we needed a snack or something. They'll believe me at least, I know—" he cut himself off as he leaned closer to the door, pressing his ear against it. "Wait."

"What?"

"I hear…footsteps, I think. But, they're— _oh shit!_ " He leapt back from the door just in time for his face not to be smashed it when it slammed open.

" _Binding Wings!"_

Before they could arm themselves, sparking talismans swarmed around them, trapping them in the binding spell. The three of them toppled over, squirming on the floor and glaring at the group who was at the door. Magical electricity continued to spark through the talismans, making him wince in pain. _Fucking hell._ Kanda swore under his breath when he saw Leverrier's smug face waltz into their bedroom, arms folded behind his back. He was fully dressed in a pressed suit and coat—he was prepared to be out and about; definitely not sleep attire. CROWs in their full regalia trailed behind him, more talismans peaking from their long sleeves. Exchanging gazes with Alma and Allen, they knew one thing: this was in no way a social visit.

"Sorry for the disturbance this time at night," The Director said in a tone that conveyed no apology; quite the opposite, "but we have some business to discuss with all of you. I'm afraid it couldn't wait, you see." That being said, Kanda tensed when Leverrier snapped his fingers, signaling the group of CROW to part, revealing one in the back. Despite himself, he sucked in a breath when the last CROW stepped forward and threw something in front of them. "Let's start with this one here."

Howard Link was thrown in a crumpled heap in front of them, bruises marring every inch of skin that was shown and still-bleeding cuts dripping on to the floor. As much as he didn't like the guy, Kanda could not help but worry about the man. Link was in no way a pushover, but here he was, looking like he was put through the ringer. His blonde hair was out of its normal braid, splayed in a mess, and his training gear was crumpled and frayed, as if he had been continuously fighting in them. Every breath he took wheezed and sounded close to being moans of pain. Other than the shaky rise and fall of his chest, he did not move. The Inspector was unconscious.

Allen and Alma gasped in horrified surprise. Kanda felt bad for them as he knew that they both considered the blonde-haired man a friend—Allen even more so than Alma. "Link!" Allen yelled in horrified surprise. He was quick to narrow his eyes, shooting a frigid glare at the Director. "What the hell did you do?!"

With a peculiar tilt of his head, one the Kanda could not place, Leverrier nodded at Link. "We did what we had to do. From the information we extracted from him, we discovered your traitorous actions, and hereby charge you with high treason. This man here will join in your fates as he is an accomplice." He tusked and shook his head. "He was one of my best, too. What a shame."

' _Extracted information'? Did that mean that Link_ _ **didn't**_ _betray us for Central?_ Thoughts were whirling in Kanda's head, trying to figure out what in the hell was going on. He knew Komui didn't leak anything. He was sure that his office was bug free, so how did Leverrier find out?!

"I can practically hear your thoughts, Yuu Kanda," Leverrier raised an eyebrow. He walked closer to him, and Kanda did all he could to try and break free from the binding spell. Every cell in his body screamed to get away from him. The other man kneeled in front of him. "I suppose since you all are about to die anyway, I can tell you what happened to that traitor." The three exorcists struggled even harder when they heard their deemed fate. "We had a hunch that Link here was failing to remain impartial and beginning to side with you lot. So, while he was training, we scooped him up and gave him the chance to tell us what he knew. Ever the stubborn man, he refused, forcing us to act with…more drastic measures. Physical torture did nothing but make him tired and angry, but I should have known that sooner—after all, _I_ am the one who trained him to be so tough-skinned. Anyway, when I saw that did not work, I moved on to more…effective methods. I do have to commend the scientists for their skill in 'potion'-making. They had a truth-serum lying about in one of their messes of a lab without even realizing such. Hmm, perhaps I might raise their budget…"

An inch closer and Kanda could have bit off a finger. "You sick son of a bitch! How could you—"

"— _Ahhhhgh!_ " Alma's scream cut him off, making everyone turn to them. They were writhing in their bonds, enraged and eyes almost glowing with fury. Another explosive episode. "You aren't gonna touch a _damn hair_ on them! Just you wait, you fucking piece of shit—I'm gonna kill you in the worst way possible!" With a loud roar, they struggled more and more, and it seemed as if all that effort was somehow weakening the Binding Wings. Kanda was not the only one to note that, however.

"Dispose of that Second, now!" barked Leverrier.

" _Flame Wings!"_

"NO!" Before either one of them knew it, Kanda and Allen watched helplessly as the Bindings Wings shocked Alma into submissive immobility, while the new Flame Wings lit them on fire. "Stop it, leave them alone!" Their own Binding Wings sent magical electricity sparking through their bodies, rendering them useless to Alma. Despite the heat the was blazing against his face, his blood ran cold and he felt like he was drowning. This couldn't be happening, this couldn't _be happening,_ _ **thiscouldn'tbehappening**_ —not again…Once the flames were extinguished, the only thing left was an unmoving, blackened body. _They'll regenerate, just like last time_ , he thought to himself in desperation. _They might t-take longer, but they'll regenerate. More than 500 seconds—b-but they'll regenerate, they'll do it, they'll do it. Then we can—_

His stream of thoughts was cut off when he heard, "Now, finish the job. Both the Second and the abomination."

In the blink of an eye, one CROW stabbed a serrated knife that was hidden under their sleeve into Alma's burnt body, striking right into their-core heart. The CROW pulled out their core-heart, still stuck on the knife and flaking with residual body matter, and was quick to light another fire spell. Allen's choked gasp of horror made everything so much worse. So much worse. In less than a minute, the remains of Alma's core-heart— _of Alma_ —fell to the floor like dust being cleaned off an object.

No. No, no, no! Alma could not be gone… He wheezed, wishing he could move to grab at his chest.

Allen's shouting made him turn to him, and he hissed when he saw the CROWs nearing for his lover. "Y-you fucking leave him the hell along, you bastards!"

As soon as the words left his mouth, Leverrier turned to near him one more time. This time, he actually grabbed his chin in a near bruising grasp, roughly jerking his head to force him to watch Allen. "Oh no, no, no, Yuu Kanda. You do not get to shout orders, especially not at us," the cold smile on his face along with the equally frigid hand made him want to retch. "Traitors get what they deserve, and you lot are the worst of them all. A CROW turned to the other side of the war, a Noah-exorcist abomination, and two— _excuse me—_ _ **one**_ Second exorcist playing human…the only thing they have in common is death. Central and the Vatican have no time for soldiers who cannot do as they are told, so they must be disposed of. Now," the cold smile turned into a malicious grin, and Kanda wanted to sob because he was helpless as to what was coming next, "watch as your friend gets dealt the fate that he deserves. You're next, but it'll be much more satisfying to see you suffer as you watch him die."

Allen struggled, and struggled, and struggled, but nothing that he did loosened the binds. He didn't seem to care that the CROWs were about to kill him for his eyes were only on Kanda, those beautiful, shimmering mercury eyes. "Kanda! Don't listen to him! I love you and—" Whatever he was about to say was abruptly cut off when, with one strategic swing, one of the CROWs lopped off his head.

Kanda could only stare in horror as Allen's head rolled right next to him, so close that he could see the light fade from his wide eyes and the blood begin to stain his white hair. There was a fast-emerging puddle of blood coming from and Allen and his head, and Kanda flinched and shuddered when the warm stickiness began to seep into his own night clothes.

"A-Allen…?" He shook as he turned to look at the ashes on the floor. "Alm-ma…?" Jesus Christ, this couldn't be happening. _What is going on? What is happening?_

A huff. "Time to meet you fate, Yuu Kanda. But, do not worry about the…bodies; they'll be thrown away with the rest of the trash. Think of it this way: at least you room will be clean for the next person that has to use it. I did hear you were bit on the cleanly side, after all."

All he remembered was the _swish_ of a knife, the pain in his chest, and darkness engulfing his vision.

It was cold.

Freezing.

* * *

Someone screaming jolted him awake, making him fly out of the bed, legs still tangled in the blankets. He landed in a heap on the floor. It took him too long to realize that the person screaming had been him; he hadn't heard himself sound like that in…ever, actually. Gulping deep breaths to try and calm himself, phantom pain still coursing through his chest, his eyes wildly scanned the room. _Where am I?_ He thought, quite off key. _Where are they? Where are they?_ They had to be alive—they couldn't be dead.

He swung his arm when he felt something lightly touch his shoulder, and it was only quick reflexes on both his and the other person's parts that the offender kept their hand. He did not remember having Mugen in his grasp. There was Allen, hair mussed from sleep and beautiful mercury eyes— _his hair isn't stained and his eyes are still lit with life; he's alive, alive, alive, alive—_ standing above him. His pale face was pinched in worry, and his Innocence hand was help up, poised in a way that Kanda assumed he had been the one to touch his shoulder. _(Even if he had wanted to defend himself against the CROWs, he wouldn't have been able to activate with that binding spell around him.)_

Right next to him stood Alma— _not a pile of black ash on the floor, still here, not ash_ —biting their lip and rubbing their tan hands together. They looked like they wanted to touch him. But they all knew it would be better not to right now. Touch would have to wait until he calmed down. _Am I calm? I don't know_. He was incredibly jittery and anxious right now, and he wished he had his bead bracelet so he could fiddle with. It was out of reach on the dresser, so he would have to make due with flapping his hand against his thigh—he would have preferred the bracelet, though.

"Kanda?"

"Yuu, you with us?"

Still flapping a hand against his thigh, he nodded, not trusting himself to speak. What would he say? _Oh sorry, I just watched you two be violently executed right in front of my face? Yeah, no_.

They both moved to kneel next to him, still giving him his space, which he was so, so thankful for. He was glad that they both knew what to do when he got like this. _Please help, please don't leave_ , he wanted to say, but both hubris and his current mindset would not let him do so. He followed Allen as he gestured to Kanda's hand asking, "Can I hold your hand, love? You look like you might need someone right now."

Hesitantly, he nodded again, swallowing hard when he felt a warm hand envelope the one that was moving so much. Kanda knew his own body temperature was warm, but now he just felt cold, freezing. The parasitic exorcist's hand was a balm right now, especially since Allen was continuing some sort of motion by rocking their joined hands in a slow, swaying motion.

He gave permission to Alma next, who looked as if they would burst if they didn't help in some way. Alma also moved to sit next to him, and they took his other hand and continued the same swaying motion. It wasn't the same as flapping, but he did like it—plus the warmth, _not fiery-death-warm, not ash-warm, not blood-seeping-onto-me-warm—_ was pleasant.

They were there on the floor like that for a while, waiting until Kanda resituated himself.

After a while, he was able to force out a scratchy mumble. "You two died. In front of me….I couldn't save you…" In a sense, they all had the same insecurity: not wanting to see the other die.

They understood; he didn't have to explain anymore. Allen slowly moved to press a kiss on his clammy forehead, and Alma ran their fingers through his tangled hair. "Just like you told me earlier, we aren't going anywhere, Kanda."

"We'll always be with you," Alma added with a smile.

They sat there all on top of each other, drawing comfort from one another. They all knew that they could not promise they would never, _ever_ die—they all had a due date at some point of their lives. It was imminent, and there was no way that they could escape it. War would most likely claim them, more likely than not, but…

Just because they could not escape death, did not mean that they had to surrender to it.

* * *

Published: 4/3/17

A/N 1: Sorry I did not get this up during March! I had a death in the family recently, and so I've been trying to work everything around that. Thank you for being so patient!

A/N 2: Thank you to Sikarma, Shadow Spears, Nerdy Blogs, and Guest (yes, Jer, I know its you :D ) for reviewing last chapter!


	9. Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night

Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man

Warnings: language

Wow, thank you all for the feedback and faves and such throughout this series—it's been so great to hear from you all! I was trying to push this another chapter, but I don't think a tenth one would have fit very well with this. So, I am sad to say that this is coming to an end with this chapter right here. Thank you all for sticking with me, and I hope you all enjoy this last hurrah. (o u o)/ 3

If you all liked this series, I post a lot of Yulmallen stuff on my badlydrawnyullen tumblr blog: (badlydrawnyullen . tumblr . com), and I also have a DGM blog as well (elreyexorcista . tumblr . com)

* * *

Drabble #9: Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night

The time had come sooner than Alma had anticipated.

Even now, sitting on the edge of Kanda's bed waiting for the hour to tick away, they had not expected the week to be over so soon. Komui had been given the approval for their 'mission', albeit with a wary and raised metaphorical eyebrow from the higher-ups. From what the Supervisor had told them, their mission would be to hunt down Innocence pieces in a large group of four that would split into pairs. It was only after assuring Leverrier that Link would reign in Allen and Kanda, a general, could handle Alma did the stern man accept the proposal.

Tim, the sneaky little golem, had snuck into Komui's office during the discussion with Leverrier, and returned with the best backhandedness that Alma had ever heard from Komui. "'I'm _I_ sure'?" Komui had parroted back from the question Leverrier had asked, placing an innocent hand on his chest. "Of course I'm not one hundred percent sure about him, my good sir. After all, it was Central's _wise_ and _authoritative_ decision to green-light exorcist Yuu Kanda into becoming a general. A _simple_ Supervisor like myself could not possibly have a _fraction_ of the clear foresight that Central possesses, so I must rely on their skilled decision. I mean, what General could not handle an exorcist like Alma? Surely one of such powerful caliber like Kanda could take on that task. Are you...are you doubting your superiors, Leverrier? The very Vatican itself? My, my, I don't think that looks good in the slightest, don't you think?" It was here that Leverrier's face had turned an ugly shade of puce and sputtered out a denial to the accusation and an approval to the mission.

God damn, Komui could give the most snide and insulting comments without outright sounding like it better than anyone Alma ever knew. They could have kissed the man had they been there when it happened.

Kanda, Allen, and Alma had laughed themselves stupid after Tim's recording.

Even when he was not present, Komui was making their lives just a little easier. Every laugh, every smile, and every joke made it that much easier to breathe.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Allen's voice brought them to the present as they looked up from where they had been staring for what they had guessed must have been a while. "Oh," Alma gave a little, dismissive smile, "nothing serious. Just thinking, is all."

Their paler lover sat down on the bed next to them, first aid kit in hand. Even though Kanda had not stopped rummaging through his trunk of clothes, Alma knew he was listening to the two of them. He was never one for direct emotion and all that. "Want to tell me what about?" Allen asked.

Alma traced a few thin scars on the other's normal hand. "I think you already know what."

Allen flipped over his hand in order to grasp Alma's smoother, tanner one. Alma could feel a few callouses on Allen's hand, ones they knew told stores of hard work, grit, and perseverance. The scars, if they were to think about that in the same vein, told the same stories as well. Allen's body could speak tales that he did not have to verbalize, whereas Alma's could not. Regeneration and healing banished the scars from their body as well as the callouses, leaving the Second with trials that could only be spoken by word, not through the flesh. "Tell me anyway?" Allen was persistent, Alma could give him that.

They sighed, looking around the room: bags near packed, medicine about to be stocked, and weapons (a few knives Link made them start carrying for precautionary reasons, as if the three of them weren't weapons already) in their holsters ready to be tucked away. Although preparing to embark on a literal path to war, Alma could not help but savor the quiet and calm that blanketed over the three of them. It was almost like a lullaby, and they were near tired enough to fall asleep to it. "It's almost time. This," they gestured to the room with a broad wave of their hand, " _thiiiiis_ might be the last moment of peace we get in the foreseeable future. I guess I'm just taking it all in, I suppose."

The ticking of the wall clock seemed to be louder, almost mocking.

Sighing, Allen gave their hand a squeeze. "I understand. Similar moments have happened to me all this week when I get some time to myself. Even though you two are coming with me, I still…I think I still worry that—" he abruptly cut off then glared at a random space on the wall, but Alma knew it was not a weird, random occurrence. A certain Noah head-mate often made Allen break off from conversations like that. "Sorry, I was saying that I worry about what is going to happen to us. This…this isn't going to be easy for anyone." He looked down, eyebrows scrunched. Alma reached over and rubbed a thumb between his brows, trying to melt away the tension. "I just, I-I don't want you to get hurt."

A snort came from Kanda as he raised his head from looking inside the trunk in order to prop it up on his hand, elbow resting on the lip of the trunk. "Like we've told you a million and one times, Moyashi, we can take care of ourselves. We are not leaving you to gallivant away to the Third Side by yourself. That what partners do, baka."

 _Of course Kanda had to give his own unique input_ , Alma smiled, tired but fond.

A roll of mercury eyes. "Did I ask for your opinion, Jerkanda?"

"Well you got it, Moyashi." Kanda found what he was looking for and dumped it in his bag. An extra pair of pants and four hair ties. Turning to Alma, he said, "Anyway, those kinds of thoughts are normal, Alma. Don't keep thinking about it or you're going to get upset, you oaf."

A click of a tongue. "Yuu Kanda, ever the person of comfort. How loving." The sarcasm was so sickeningly blatant that it could have caused another outbreak of the Black Plague. Allen was on a roll today.

"I swear _to God_ I will gut you right here and now if you don't leave me the fuck alone."

Alma couldn't help their own insert. "But I thought you said we were supposed to stay together 'cause that's what partners do, Yuu."

His glare would have killed a lesser person.

Watching the two men in front of them bicker like it was the most normal thing in the world made them feel lighter, made it easier to take a breath. If these two foolish lovers of theirs could stay the same—stay true to what made them who they were—then Alma would be happy. They were aware of the circumstances that they would all face soon enough, but they held on to the slim hope and desire that their lovers would not be changed and twisted at their core by what the new challenges had in store for them. _Don't let Allen become push himself away from us. Let him have just a few good things—let him have us._ They gripped Allen's hand just a bit tighter as they reached out to grab Kanda's. _Don't let Kanda be swallowed by his hatred like me. Let him love like he's wanted to._

The ticking of the clock seemed to ring in their ears, but the number of minutes they had left struck a worse chord in their heart.

 _Tick, tick, tick_.

Their own personal war bell in the room.

 _Tick, tick, tick._

* * *

Other than the continuous background noise that nature had to offer—the buzzing of insects, the rustling of leaves as the wind caressed the trees, and the soft gurgling of a little stream—it was quiet outside. The sun had just set a few minutes ago, painting the sky brilliant yet soft fuchsias, lavenders, and indigos. The glittering stars were beginning to appear, as were the night creatures of the forest. As the three of them stood in the main entryway of the Order, about to depart, Alma could almost describe the evening as quiet, gentle even.

However, that could not be said about the emotions raging inside their heart.

They kept it muted and together as their friends waved them good bye. The smile on their face belied what they were truly feeling: anxiety of the future, rage towards Central and the corrupt Order, and worry for their friends and lovers. They only had but a short period of time before Central became suspicious of all of them and sent CROWs to subdue them. A shiver that had nothing to do with the evening temperature passed through the Second's body as they remembered the acute pain a CROW could inflict.

With the great doors of the main entrance shut, their journey officially had begun. They latched onto Kanda and Allen's hands, feeling an unpleasant feeling well in their chest like nausea. Kanda said nothing, but gave them a comforting look while Allen smiled, twining their fingers tighter together. Link, ever present behind the three of them, said nothing; however, Alma could feel the Inspector sending positive energy to them.

"We better pick up the pace," Allen said, voice low and strong. While his voice did not waver, the subtle, irritated eye twitch spoke for the annoying Noah in his head. "We have a lot of ground to cover."

Link input, "There is a train in the next town over. If we hurry, we can make the one that will take us across the border. That will save us a great deal of time."

Hands still gripped together and eyes forward with purpose, Alma picked up the pace. The Holy War between the Order and the Earl may be continuously raging, but they were about to bring a war all their own. Neither the Order or the Earl were innocent in this battle; neither could lie about the suffering they caused. The Order manipulated and manipulated and _manipulated_ the good people that worked for it, experimented and tortured the people who were supposed to fight. Inadvertently, the Order was just like the Earl and his Noah—tearing families apart and destroying what made people who they were. The Earl was more blatant in his manipulation and destruction, sending Akuma to do his work for him. Neither side was innocent, but both sides were to blame.

The Third Side would not stand for anymore destruction. No more manipulation, no more experimentation, no more outright killing, no more wanton destruction. It was time to bring the Holy War to an end. With Allen and Kanda by their side, Alma would rage against all the gruesome atrocities both sides wrought.

They would not go gentle into the good night.

* * *

Published: 6/4/17

A/N: Title from the poem "Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night" by Dylan Thomas.

A/N 2: A sincere thank you to everyone who favorited and followed and commented on this story. I had so much fun writing this, and I loved hearing what you all had to say. Another thanks to Baka-Bird, Sikarma, LunaSetsuna, and Shadow Spears for reviewing last chapter. You all are so great, and I hope you all enjoy my other DGM stories as well!


End file.
